


The unfortunate purpose of trees

by JLVE



Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F, Pre-Mirandy, no actual pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2015-10-17
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:45:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5015980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLVE/pseuds/JLVE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy gets herself in trouble. Three-shot, pre-pairing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Do not own anything.

Dark skirt, dark shirt, dark bra, dark heels. Perfect for reporting at a minor conference about the improvement of Aquaculture, not that perfect when hanging in a tree, undistinguishable from the leafs because it is 2am in the morning. Fuck.

This happened only to eighteen year old, naïve sorority girls right? She was 25 for god’s sake and had a respectable job. Which had let her in this predicament. Why couldn’t Lily just understand that a career in journalism took time? If she wasn’t prepared to be dedicated and make sacrifices she would never make it, and that was nothing more than normal. If you wanted to be somewhere you had to work for it. And her area asked for sacrifices in matters of being ready to work at all hours. News didn’t let itself be forced between 9 and 5. But Lily didn’t really care for that. Neither for her career nor Andy’s explanations. Always coming up with the same judgment: you’re never with us anymore. You’re always at your job. You’re different since you started working. You’re not the Andy I know.

Well, that last one was the best of her whole collection. Nate used it all the time before they broke up. And they were right actually. The only difference between her and them was that she considered it a good change and they didn’t. They wanted an Andy who watched Star-Wars marathons and wore oversized sweaters. Which she still did, but just to a lesser extent than before. She was not in the position anymore to do drinks every night or spend a whole day on watching series in PJ’s. And her friends resented that.

And because they were her friends, at least on the spare moments that Nate didn’t try to get back together with her, she felt guilty every now and then for not being there enough and she would give in to their emotional blackmail and get drunk with them even though she didn’t feel like it or had time for it. Every now and then was tonight.

They had gone to ‘their bar’ and Lily had insisted on pickle back shots. And on beer. And on cocktails. Basically on alcohol and bad combinations of it. To celebrate that they were together and that Doug had a promotion he didn’t want at a job he didn’t like but that would pay him a lot more than before. Doug was more than happy to escape and get drunk and giggled about everything all night. Nate and Lily had been in a good mood and made only a few degrading comments about her job, and she had tried to stay as sober as possible and cheery as possible, but she had miscalculated her tolerance because she was not used to drinking anymore and Lily kept on bringing drinks. Basically: she got drunk too.

* * *

 

_They were walking in some dark ally, because Lily had known a ‘shortcut’ and thought it would sober them up to walk. Doug had refused, but Andy and Nate had agreed and followed along. Andy had no clue where they were. She didn’t care that much, she cared a lot for getting her feet on the ground at the right moment._

_‘You know, Andy, this night was fun! We should do this wayyy more often.’ ‘Fun? Lills, I’m not able to walk straight, and I need to be up at 7, that is not funny, stop giggling’ she giggled herself ‘I’m doomed’. ‘_

_Well, you can always screw your boss and be forgiven, I mean, he got his eyes all over you’ Nate grinned somewhere between sheepish and jealous._

_‘Stop it Nate! I’m not even going to react to that. I’m having a job. I am actually earning my way into Journalism.’ She tried to turn sideways to him but fastly came to the conclusion that such movements were not a good idea._

_‘Oh Honey, don’t be vicious. Natey-boy is just jealous he’s not in your pants anymore.’ Lily got awfully honest when she was drunk. ‘And now that we’re talking about this anyway: when was the last time you got some?’_

_‘That is none of your business.’ she grinned. Way too long ago, she thought._

_‘Oh come on, you can share it with us. Any new hotties along the road?’ Lilly teased. Nate was frowning more with the minute, yet he also looked curious. An aggressive kind of curious._

_‘I’m so not talking about this subject.’ She was perhaps drunk, but not enough to not remember how the last time she told about this subject had gone. The moment someone mentioned something sounding like Chris-ti-an Nate managed to do a very impressive look of a dark cloud. And that douchebag hadn’t been more than a one-night stand._

_'Yes we arrrre.’_

_‘We are not.’_

_She couldn’t stop giggling ‘We are. We are we are we are. You have to answer. Truth or dare. Tell us the truth!’_

_‘hey hey! I can choose. And I choose dare!’ She said it proudly._

_‘Ha!’ Lilly threw her arms in the air. ‘Strip!’ ‘What?!’ ‘Strip!’ Lilly looked smug. ‘Until you’re only in your panties! Or tell us the truth.’_

_‘But we’re in a public ally.’_

_‘Yesss, we are, so you better tell us the truth.’_

_They were in an Ally, an Ally no one could see anything in. It was dark. What were her chances of persons coming by? Probably around zero. And both Lily and Nate had seen her naked before, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. She could do this. ‘Okay, you’ll have what you asked.’ She rapidly slid out of her blouse, skirt and bra, standing only in her heels and panties. Both Lily and Nate stood shocked._

_‘You look good Andy’ Nate mumbled dumbly. Lilly started grinning and then laughing and try to choke out, ‘ooh this is priceless.’_

_Andy thought it was enough and wanted to grab her blouse of the stones but Lilly was faster. ‘Tell us.’ ‘Give me my clothes back Lills! I’m freakin’ naked and it is freakin’ cold!’_

_‘Na-ah. Tell us. Or no clothes for you.’_

_‘Fuck Lills, I did what you asked. Don’t act like we’re in high school and give me my clothes!’ Andy started to become angry. Lilly was behaving very annoying. And Nate was trying to ogle her without being too obvious. He didn’t succeed._

_‘No.’ Lily looked daring._

_‘Give. Them. Now!’_

_‘Whoops.’ Lilly threw her arms in the air again. There was the floating of fabric. And a little breeze. And a tree from someone’s back yard. And then her worst nightmare: fabric that got stuck on the other side of the tree. Inside the yard. The silence was deafening and this time they were all three dumbfound about what Lily had just done._

_And then Lily started to laugh. Very loud. And Andy started to be very, very angry. But before she could yell at her youth-friend Lilly grabbed Nate’s hand and started to run away and dragging him with her. ‘Oops, sorry Andy girl! Come on Nate, before we have a third world-war exploding in our face.’ And within seconds - way too fast for someone that drunk! - Andy was standing alone in an dark Ally in the middle of nowhere in NY. Naked up to her panties. Fuck!_


	2. Chapter 2

Though not much of a swearing out loud person, all bets were off for Andy. Fuck Lilly with her childish behavior! Fuck Nate with his stupid crush he still couldn’t get over, fuck the emotional blackmailing, fuck the alcohol flowing, and fuck her naïve behavior. Fuck her clothes hanging in a tree of someone’s backyard. Fuck private backyards.

How to get them back? There was a pretty high fence around the yard. Iron but with so many ornaments that she could easily climb over it, she had enough experience climbing things from her childhood. But she hadn’t climbed anything in a long time and certainly not naked. Then again, she hadn’t really any other option. She was not planning on walking home in just panty’s and heels. No thank you.

Sighing deeply and cursing Lily some more she planted her feet steadily on the ornaments. No matter how drunk she had been, this whole affair sobered her up pretty quickly. Still, trying to climb the fence was not that easy. Her feet kept on slipping away and she did several attempts before she stood steady halfway on the fence. Now it was the problem to actually get over the sharp points and pray to god they didn’t have a wild dog running around ready to attack her. It didn’t seem like it, but the little that she could see of the house it looked pretty fancy. Hopefully the owner was away or very much asleep. Luckily there were no lights on in the house.

Okay, swinging one leg over the fence and putting it down on the other side made her aware that it was too slippery to do this slowly. She had to swing and jump. On three, she said to herself. One, two, three!

* * *

 

Miranda sat in her study. The lights were out but she couldn’t just bring herself to go to sleep. So she sat fully clothed behind her desk. In the dark.

Lately she had been doing that a lot. First out of unwillingness to lie in a bed with her cheating husband. Later on, when he had gone away (to her relief), she had kept up the habit of sitting in the dark. It gave her the security of letting her thoughts float without the feeling of the outside world watching her.

The press had been more then cruel about her divorce. Her image of being unable to feel skyrocketed. It was good for the Runway sales. And she had been able to protect her daughters from it, mostly. They hadn’t minded Stephen leaving. They didn’t have a bond with him really. Her attempt at marriage had failed at all sides and she couldn’t be anything other than relieved that it was over and ashamed that she had tried in first place. This time, she had slowly started to believe what the press was printing about her: that she was, indeed, unable to have a relationship of any kind with another adult. She promised herself not to try anymore.

Suddenly all the lights in her backyard were on and Patricia started to bark loudly. Miranda looked up and slid her eyes close in anger. This could only mean one thing: an intruder.

Not very fond of alarm systems she had agreed upon getting a lightning system that would react in the evening when the ground of her backyard was touched instead of a system which would make unbearable noise and required police to deactivate after it had gone off. She had trees in her garden and if a branch would fall she didn’t wanted to be bothered by the police. And she had Patricia, always loyal but not much of a watch-dog, to let her know when something happened to her house. She had thought that was enough.

Now for a moment she wasn’t so sure. She had never had something -someone- in her backyard before and even though she had a simple, elegant silver revolver in her safe, she was not keen on getting it to frighten the intruder.

She decided to face the facts on her own. Behind her window, that is. No need to expose her yet. The lightning system made sure the intruder was at full spot at all times, so it was easy to see if there was a real thread. Grabbing her phone to call the police if necessary, she walked up to the window and looked down from her windows in her study.

In her backyard stood a surprised, frozen, very naked young woman, with a face as if her last hour had arrived.

* * *

 

Shit. Let this not be happening. Let this, of all things, not be happening. Let her, not be standing in this backyard. Not shone upon as if she was in the spotlight on a theater stage, not stripped until her panties as if she was a prostitute in the red light district. Correct that, a crazy naked woman within the bright lights of a subway station. Let there not be a mad dog barking as if they were going to attack her any minute. Let this please not be real.

No such luck. Andrea did not know what to do. Grabbing her clothes that were dangling in the higher branches of the tree was out of the option. Running was out of the option. She panicked and froze.

After an endless an indecisive amount of time the barking stopped and she could hear a soft voice saying, ‘calm down Patricia’ and ‘good dog’ and ‘stay inside’. It was a feminine voice and somehow that relieved Andrea a bit. Relief that drained away the moment she heard the opening of a backdoor. She tried to cover herself up.

Out of the door stepped a somewhat short woman, with beautiful silver hair and the most perfect attire Andy had ever seen. She was gorgeous in a sort of classic way Andy’s head got clouded for a second. Until she saw her piercing blue eyes and pursed lips as if the woman was ready to kill.


	3. Chapter 3

‘Did you smack your little head on the pavement?’ She watched as the girl looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Herself being the car in this scenario. The girl held her breasts with one arm, the other one covering her lace panties. That surprised her, the girl had quite a cup size, Miranda would have at least two hands full of – _stop that thought!_

‘Are you deaf or stupid?’ She tried again. The girl really looked like she wasn’t able to say anything for the next five minutes, and no matter how appealing the body, there was no reason to have a mentally deprived person in her backyard for five minutes, so she hissed ‘Get out of my backyard immediately’ and glared.

* * *

Never ever in her whole life had Andy heard such a velvety but low and very, very frightening voice. She was struck by it. By the whole appearance of the woman, so it took a few seconds to register that a) the woman was very angry and b) she had a way with words because Andy almost got aroused by the way the woman threw insults at her. _Wait what?_

Andy couldn’t hide the goose bumps on her arms in reaction to it. She also couldn’t scrap herself together enough to answer. All she stuttered was ‘I.. I just need…’ Not very effective in making yourself clear. Perhaps she could point at the tree, but letting go of her breasts somehow didn’t seem like the best option.

‘There is only one thing that you need to do, and that is leaving my backyard or I’ll have you arrested. That’s all.’ Apparently the conversation was done.

* * *

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, things seem like really good ideas. Articles, inventions, voicemails, kissing random people, buy another pickleback-shot, things like that. Even rarer those things are actually good when you wake up the next morning. Walking towards some woman’s tree and reach out to grab your blouse because you need to leave her backyard and murder your best friend and ex-boyfriend was not one of those things, apparently.

‘What are you doing?’ It was not a question. It was a hiss as snakes give before they deadly bite you. When the woman caught Andy’s … exposed figure again she seemed to falter a moment, and for a millisecond her eyes darkened visibly. A tongue sneaked out and wetted her lips. But then her mask of rage and indifference slammed back. Andy told herself it was the cold that hardened her nipples. ‘I’m so sorry, it is just… my clothes are in your tree and I’m not tall enough to grab them and I can’t really walk home like this because-’

Andy was sure the woman was the most scary person she had ever met, because whenever she thought the woman could look no angrier than she did, she managed to do just that. ‘Get. Out. Of. My. Plum tree. Now.’

* * *

She was going to sue the girl. For standing in her backyard, for violating her gorgeous plum tree, for keeping her awake, for making Miranda feel like a morally reduced person by enjoying the sight of the girls beautiful body, for standing there as if she had no clue who Miranda was, for based upon the garments hanging in the air really not having a clue who Miranda was. Oh, she was going to sue and rip the girl apart. Right in front of a court who would be – _watching_. Miranda suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that they were standing in an open space. Someone might see this and draw an erroneous conclusion. God knew the paparazzi was everywhere, and this would provide just the sight page six would sell papers on for weeks. She really would have to get the girl away.

* * *

Andrea looked around to see if there were any people with binoculars spying on her naked body. She didn’t see anyone. But those thingies were black so there was not a 100% guarantee. The thought of being watched made her shiver a little. Though the woman’s gaze was hot as, well, ice? From that perspective watching became a certain intriguing concept that-

‘Get inside now! I will not been seen with a naked woman in my garden.’ The woman interrupted her thoughts with a low growl.

'Hey I’m not completely n-‘

‘You will not talk.’

Andy immediately shut up. She walked behind the woman, who shut the door behind her and locked it.

Before horror scenario’s could emerge from her imagination, a big wagging Saint Bernard approached her as if she was his new best friend. So much for the watchdog who was going to eat her. Andy wondered if there was a maximum of embarrassment that one could have in one night. Apparently not, as the dog gave her a slobbery lick along her upper leg leaving an impressive amount of drool behind. She tried to wipe it away a bit with her hand, as she wouldn’t make the same mistake of touching anything that belonged to the woman. Well, except for her hard wooden floor with her feet. But that was only because she absolutely couldn’t prevent it.

The woman tapped her clad-in-five-inch-heels foot, surprisingly fast, on that same floor. A revolted glance was thrown at her hand. But she wasn’t offered a towel. Instead the silver haired figure whispered: ‘Name?’

‘Andy Sachs.’

Silence. A Condemnatory glance.

‘It is short for Andrea Maria Sachs.’

Eye rolling.

‘I’m a journalist.’

‘Yes, I can see how you have such a talent with words.’

‘This is no-’

‘Bore your little newspaper with your comments. You will not move.’ The woman walked away. By the sound of the fading step Andy could hear she went upstairs. Probably to call the Police. Now that Andy was effectively locked in and the woman knew her name she could easily demand a team to pick her up and let her spend the night in jail. The woman could probably demand anything. It was the only form in which she seemed to speak.

But when the woman came back she held a black skirt and a burgundy blouse in her hands that looked like they cost more than her entire wardrobe (and furniture) together. Andrea was surprised to see that it almost fitted her perfectly. And the fabric felt heavenly and thick enough to cover the fact that she wasn’t wearing her bra.

‘Thank you.’ She stated awkwardly.

The woman, however, was not influenced by this. ‘Now leave and refrain from interrupting my property ever again.’

Andrea nodded and walked with the woman to what seemed to look like the front door. Yet, perhaps it was a pathway to the cellar, there were so many doors in this (what seemed like but Andy couldn’t exactly determine) humongous house. Just when the woman put her hand on the knob she blurted: ‘What will happen with my old clothes?’

The woman glared.

‘I mean.. I mean someone might see them and think…’

‘I shall have them removed.’ Her tone was definite.

‘Eh, I can get them, I need them back anyways and- ‘

‘Yes it would be such a shame if your rags would be lost. The scarecrows would be mourning.’

Angered, yet unable to adjust to the discrepancy between the nice gestures but harsh words she continued. ‘I mean I caused all this trouble it is not more than fair that I-’

But she got dismissed with a wave of her hand. ‘My plum tree is not built for a girl of your…’ Andy got another look-over…’shape’.

Oh well, what had she been thinking? Of course saying goodbye wouldn’t have been complete without being called fat. ‘Well, then, I shall leave after this pleasant visit.’ She said sarcastically. Mysterious and astoundingly beautiful or not, the woman was a cold and vicious person. ‘Thank you so much for all you offered generosity miss…?’

‘Miranda.’ The woman’s expression was one of boredom.

Andy stepped through the doorstep and turned to watch the woman. ‘Thank you Miranda.’ Her voice was in the middle of sincerity and sarcasm.

Miranda just closed the door in her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : I know, not the best ending/structure. But if you think: well, they didn’t part very well, just think along the lines of: she has Miranda’s clothes now, she’ll be needing (that’s her excuse) to bring them back (after all they are borrowed right?). With Andy’s cheek and Miranda’s secret crush they’ll get into conversation and from then on it is yada yada yada. ;).


End file.
